What New York Tastes Like
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Distance
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Misc
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Transcript[edit | edit source]
Waioli Beach, Kauai, Hawaii
Angela Blankenship: Aloha, Michael! This is Angela Blankenship,
Natalie Melendrez: Natalie Melendrez,
David Melendrez: and David Melendrez, and we’re on Waioli Beach in Kauai. And you’re watching, uh... Michael’s... doing... something... now.
("Intro" plays over the opening title screen.)
7th Avenue – 11:22 AM EST
(The camera shows cars and trucks driving through the 7th Avenue and West 33rd Street intersection.)
Michael Aranda: It’s our last day in New York. It’s rainy. Right now we’re walking to the Nintendo store. We’ve got about... I don’t know, 3 hours to kill before we have to go to the airport? Maybe we’ll get some food.
(The camera shows Todd Williams and Katelyn Salem walking down the sidewalk from behind, both with their hoods up against the rain. Todd walks in a strutting manner while Katelyn appears more confined and precise.)
Todd. I think you walk like a GTA character.
Todd Williams: (Laughing) What do you—what does that mean?
Michael: I don’t know, just the way that you walk.
Todd: How do—how do I walk? Oh do I—
Michael: You—
Todd: Oh I walk all like—
(Todd exaggerates walking with a big stride and his arms bowed outward slightly while they swing.)
Michael: You just look like you’ve got the swagger of a GTA character.
Todd: Oh, I’ve got the ape walk. Okay. What video game character would you assign yourself as, walk-wise?
Michael: I don’t know; I can’t see myself walk. I was just trying to think about that for Katelyn. What video game character does she walk like?
Todd: Right now, it seems kind of like an Assasin’s Creed thing going on here.
(Katelyn laughs.)
Michael: Yeah, maybe.
Todd: Gee well—no—we’ll have to put some thought into what you are.
Michael: Okay, let me know.
Potbelly
(Todd stands inside the doorway, where a fan blows on him, making his hair quiver. He shakes his head as if to do a hair flip.)
(The camera is positioned on the next table over pointing at Katelyn, Michael, and Todd eating their sandwiches.)
Michael: Toddly.
(Todd nods his head in acknowledgment and then hiccups.)
This is our last chance for Potbelly... in a long time.
(Michael and Todd clink their sandwiches together, and then Michael and Katelyn do.)
Todd: Cheers.
Times Square
Michael: Katelyn.
Katelyn Salem: Mm?
Michael: How do you feel about Times Square in the daytime?
Katelyn: It’s... slightly not as good as the night time. But it’s still... cool.
Nintendo NY – 12:53 PM EST
(The camera points to a large "The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild" logo on the wall.)
Michael: Todd.
Todd: Yes?
(Michael points to the ESRB rating box on the poster.)
Michael: Breath of the Wild has alcohol in it.
(Michael and Todd high-five.)
Todd: Alright! Drunk Link!
West 48th Street
Michael: We are at the Nintendo store. It’s still like... I don’t know, 30 something hours until launch, right?
Todd: Yeah.
Michael:Of—of the Nintendo Switch? I can’t see the timer anymore. Um... but there are people camped out in front of the Nintendo store, waiting.
(Michael walks up to a group of people waiting outside.)
Are you guys waiting for the Switch?
Unknown Woman: Yep!
Unknown Man: I’m not!
Michael: You are?
Unknown Woman 2: No. They are.
Michael: Who’s—where are they?
Unknown Man: Someone’s in here.
Unknown Woman 2: Sleeping.
(A person sits on the ground with an umbrella over their head and a sheet of plastic shielding all of their body.)
Michael: There’s—there’s somebody in there.
(Michael and Todd walk down the street.)
I wanted to interview somebody about why they were sittin’ there. But... those people who were there said that they weren’t actually waiting. I guess now that I’m thinking about it I don’t know what I would have asked. In the Nintendo store, they had this '(emphasis) huge screen playing Breath of the Wild. And it made me want a huge screen for playing video games. The guy in there said that the screen was 15 feet. I don’t know if that’s diagonal, or what, but, it was a big screen.
(A man walks in front of the group with the same tripod that Michael uses attached to his backpack. Michael holds up his tripod to show they're the same.)
Todd! That guy has the thing that I have! We have the same thing!
Todd: Should I go say something?
Michael: No.
Todd: Oh. Kind of like, you see someone in the same car as you?
Michael: Yeah. I remember when I first got the Mustang, back in 2007, whenever I’d see someone else driving a Mustang on the freeway—
Todd: You were like—
Michael: —I would wanna wave at them. I never worked up the courage to say hi to any of 'em.
Todd: Oh. Well, why don’t you go say “Hi” to him? See what his deal is?
Michael: He’s a photographer. He has a camera.
(A firetruck makes a loud blaring noise on the street next to them.)
Michael: Woah!
Times Square
(A man walks along and points a camera up at a building.)
Michael: That guy’s got a big camera.
(Todd stands on the sidewalk, tilts his head back, and holds his hands out on both sides of himself. A woman walks past on his left just as he does this and he accidentally hits her in her breast. Todd makes a worried face as he realizes what happened. An intense, dramatic French opera song plays as the words "Instant Replay" appear at the top of the screen. The scene replays in slow motion, with a deep boom as Todd's hand hits the woman. The frame zooms in on a still of the woman's face as it happens and then a still of Todd's reaction afterward. Time resumes and the camera turns around to show the woman walking away.)
Todd: Sorry!
(The camera pans up the building on the main corner of Times Square. A street performer in a Pikachu look-a-like costume walks around on the sidewalk.)
Michael: There’s a Pikachu back there.
Todd: It can’t be called Pikachu. It’s "Electric Mouse."
Michael: (Amused) Oh!
8th Avenue
(The camera points up at the front of The New York Times Building.)
Michael: The failing New York Times.
Todd: Looks alright to me.
Michael: Some time in the last week or so, Donald Trump called the New York Times the "failing New York Times".
Todd: I’m mean that’s—That isn’t the first time he’s said that.
Michael: I would bet that, uh... the New York Times is viewed more favorably than Donald Trump’s presidency.
Todd: Hooo!
Michael: Hey look at this guy right here. He’s, uh... gettin’ a picture of the New York Times building.
We’ve had our first travel issue of the year. Our flight from here to Minneapolis got delayed, which is gonna cause us to miss our connecting flight to Missoula. So the travel agency for NerdCon, that booked this whole trip, is getting us a different flight from... a different airport at an earlier time. So we have to head back to the hotel a little earlier and get to LaGuardia instead of... Kennedy?
West 30th Street – 2:07 PM
(Michael waves at the front of the Manhattan West Hotel building.)
Michael: Bye hotel. We got our luggage, and now we’re going to Penn Station.
Pennsylvania Station
(Rhythmic, laid back music plays under a shot of Michael riding down an escalator onto a station platform, where Katelyn stands at the bottom.)
Michael: Is this the one we want?
Katelyn: Yeah.
Train
Michael: We’re on a train from Port Washington to Woodside. Is that what it’s called?
Todd: Woodside!
Michael: Good ol’ Woodside.
(The music continues under shots out the train window of skyscrapers in the distance.)
Woodside Station
Michael: Ahhh. Good ol’ Woodside. Uh... I just hit my stitches really hard with my Gorillapod and now it hurts a lot.
(The train pulls away.)
Bye train! Bye. Bye.
Todd.
Todd: Yes.
Michael: I’ve been here in GTA before.
Todd: Oh have you?
Michael: Yeah.
Todd: What’d you do?
Michael: Uh... I may have (laughing) stolen a car.
Todd: (Laughing) Oh okay. Don’t do that now.
Michael: Nununununuh. The police in real New York City seem much more on their game then, uh... GTA police.
We’re gettin’ on this bus now. It’s gonna take us to the airport.
Katelyn: Terminal B.
Michael: Terminal B.
Todd: I could use some liquid.
Michael: Some liquid?
(Todd smacks his lips together.)
Michael: Uh... Well...
Todd: I guess we’ll just wait until we get to the airport.
Michael: They might have some liquid at the airport.
Todd: Maybe they’ll have some on the bus.
Michael: If there’s liquid on the bus, you probably don’t want to drink it.
Todd: Speak for yourself.
(Michael stands by a row of ticketing machines.)
Michael: We, uh... we missed that first bus that stopped because we hadn’t come over here to get a ticket yet. Now we have our tickets! Now we can get on.
(The camera points up at the cross beams of a bridge that have turned black and are flaking off.)
I feel like that could use a new paint job up there. That’s a little... rusty.
(The group gets on the bus. The camera is being held in front of Michael pointed at his shoulder. Michael sighs as he sits down.)
LaGuardia Airport – 3:23 PM EST
Michael: All right, we just got off the bus. It’s time to get into the airport, and then it should be smoooooth sailin’ from here.
(The camera is in a tray pointed at the ceiling as it goes through an x-ray machine.)
Airplane
Michael: We’re on our flight. I don’t have a window. It’s just, uh...
(Michael rubs the wall of the plane next to his seat.)
Todd: That’s a place for you to... imagine a window. Use your imagination.
Katelyn: I could could draw a window on there for you.
Todd: Yeah.
Michael: I do have my iPad Pro. I could just stick that right here with a nice picture of outside.
(Dance music plays over a One Flight Later screen.)
Minneapolis–Saint Paul International Airport – 7:29 PM CST
Michael: Todd.
Todd: Michael.
Michael: Our next flight just got delayed by half an hour.
Todd: Yeah, but at least we don’t have a connecting flight, so... We’re still gonna arrive in time, though. I’m ready for a little nappy, I dunno about you.
Delta Airlines Gate Agent: —Bozeman, Montana. We’ll start today with a pre-board—
Everyone: What?!
Todd: What?
Gate Agent: Sorry, Missoula.
(Todd laughs loudly.)
Airplane
(Michael, Katelyn, and Todd sit next to each other in an emergency exit row.)
Michael: Guess who’s on our plane?
Katelyn: Sam.
Michael: Sam’s on our plane. Rachel’s on our plane.
Katelyn: Caitlin.
Michael: Caitlin’s on our plane.
Katelyn: Lauren.
Michael: Lauren’s on our plane.
Katelyn: Duncan.
Michael: Duncan’s on our plane. Amy’s on our plane. So many people are on our plane.
(Todd shows a small cut on his right pointer finger. Katelyn sucks in air.)
Todd: Wound.
Michael: Todd got a little boo-boo.
Katelyn: Oh, you need a stiches.
Todd: No. No, it’s a wound.
Katelyn: You need some stitches?
Michael: You got a little boo-boo, Todd.
Todd: (Laughing) I was in a—Good person...
(Todd laughs harder as Michael raises his right hand up to the camera to show the stitches in his middle and ring fingers.)
Michael: (Sarcastically) Todd, you got a little boo-boo.
(Michael lists off members of the Complexly staff as they walk past him down the aisle of the plane.)
Duncan!
Duncan Gasiewicz: Hey there.
(Michael imitates a night club-like bass rhythm.)
Michael: Sam!
(Sam nods and smiles and Michael. Michael imitates a night club-like bass rhythm.)
Rachel!
(Michael imitates a night club-like bass rhythm. Rachel waves shyly. Todd laughs.)
Katelyn: She’s just like "I don’t know who you are."
(Michael laughs.)
Michael: Caitlin Hofmeister!
(Michael imitates a night club-like bass rhythm.)
Caitlin Hofmeister: Michael Aranda!
Michael: Lauren!
(Michael imitates a night club-like bass rhythm.)
Caitlin: Nice big... row, guys!
Todd: Thanks!
(Katelyn laughs.)
(The camera shows Todd sitting next to the emergency exit door.)
Michael: Toddly.
Todd: Michael.
Michael: Are you excited to go home?
Todd: (Excitedly) Buddy... Buddy, buddy, buddy, let me tell yah I had a great time.
(Katelyn starts to imitate Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie.)
But, boy... I’m missin’ my cats. I’m missing my bed. That’s it.
(The camera pans slightly left to show Katelyn still making Kazooie noises.)
Michael: (Laughing) What are you doing?
(Todd holds up his hand and Michael high-fives him twice.)
Todd: What about you, are you ready?
Michael: I’m ready to go home.
Katelyn: How do you do Banjo’s voice?
Michael: I don’t know...
Katelyn: I can do Kazooie.
Todd: Who’s voice?
(Katelyn continues imitating Kazooie.)
Michael: Isn’t he kind of like...
(Michael starts to imitate Banjo and then Katelyn joins him.)
Michael: I don’t know.
(Katelyn continues to imitate Banjo.)
We’re trying to do Banjo-Kazooie voices.
Todd: Oh, I—I—I can’t stand that game, so I just—I don’t know.
Michael: (Astonished) What?!
(Dance music plays over a One Flight Later screen.)
Missoula International Airport – 10:47 PM MST
Katelyn: (Blandly) We did it.
Michael: Hey, we made it!
Todd: (Excitedly) Oh buddy!
Katelyn: (Blandly) We did it.
(Todd bounces up and down.)
Todd: (Excitedly) Oh buddyyyy!
(Michael points at the baggage carousal.)
Michael: I’ve gotta wait for my bags.
(Michael walks up and grabs a bag from the conveyor belt.)
Here we go! This is the one we want.
(They walk outside to the parking lot.)
It’s colder here than in New York.
Katelyn: It’s very cold.
Michael: And Boston. But I kinda like it. In New York, I was so sweaty today! So this feels really nice.
Katelyn: It made you really stinky.
Michael: Yeah... I was kinda smelly at the airport. I felt bad taking my jacket off in the security line because I was like "Everyone around here is gonna be smellin’ my smell."
(Kelsey Cote stands behind Katelyn Salem's Jeep as Katelyn loads bags in the back of it.)
Michael: Kelsey’s here to pick us up, wearing a pink jacket.
(Kelsey waves at the camera while smiling.)
Todd: Boom! Boom!
Michael: Okay... Boom!
Todd: Boom!
Michael: We did it!
(Todd and Michael high-five.)
That was pretty hard!
Todd: I know, I’m sorry.
Katelyn Salem's Jeep
Michael: Kelsey?
Kelsey: Uh huh?
Michael: Are you ready to take my stitches out?
Kelsey: Oh (bleep)! Uh huh. I am.
(Todd and Kelsey laugh.)
Todd: He’s been picking at them all day.
Kelsey: Don’t—Why?! Don’t do that!
Michael: I’m ready for them to come out!
Kelsey: Okay...
Michael:I’ve not been picking at them...
Todd: You have been fiddling with them—
(Kelsey chuckles.)
Michael: Fiddling is more accurate. But not picking!
(The car pulls up outside Todd's apartment building.)
Todd?
Todd: Yessir.
Michael: Thank you for all your help.
Todd: Thank you. It’s been a magical weekend—a week—whatever.
Katelyn: You have your M&Ms?
Todd: I do. You guys... take care. Good luck with your stitches. I’ll talk to you later.
Kelsey: Bye!
Todd: If I can get out.
Katelyn: Oh, uh... pull up.
Kelsey: Uh... You’re locked in...
Todd: Okay.
(Michael laughs maniacally.)
Michael: Goodnight!
Kelsey: Bye, Todd!
Michael Aranda's Apartment
Michael: Kitties!
Index: Meow!
Michael: Hi kitties! Hi kitty!
(Michael tsks at the cats and reaches his finger down for Radius to sniff. Index walks over and he moves his finger in front of him. Kelsey sighs heavily.)
Index: Meow.
Katelyn: Oh ho ho. They seem fluffier.
Index: Meow.
(Michael's right hand rests on the kitchen counter. The camera is zoomed in close on his hand.)
Michael: Okay, the time has come to remove some stitches.
(Kelsey holds Michael's middle ring with her left hand as she uses scissors to start to cut the stitches.)
Kelsey: Okay, I have to push down so... that might be the only pain you feel.
(Kelsey cuts the first stitch and pulls it out with a pair of tweezers as a banging noise accompanied by a soft meow occurs in the background.)
What?
(Kelsey cuts the remaining two stitches in Michael's right middle finger.)
Index: (Loudly) Meow!
Kelsey: (Mimicking Index) Meow.
(Kelsey pulls the last stitch from Michael's middle finger.)
Guess what! You’re halfway done!
(Kelsey pulls the last stitch out of Michael right ring finger and sets down the tweezers.)
Kelsey: (Whispering) So is that one... There you go! You’re all done!
Michael: I’m stitchless.
Kelsey: You’re stitchless.
(Michael holds his fingers up to the camera. The cuts are shallower now, but still significant. There's dried blood in them. The tip of Michael's middle finger is healed slightly.)
Michael: This is what it looks like post-stitching. I think it looks less gross with—without the stitches.
(Michael and Kelsey sit on his bed. The camera is placed across the room pointing at them. Michael holds up a black and white baseball tee with the Hylian royal family crest from The Legend of Zelda franchise on the front.)
Michael: This is, uh...
Kelsey: Shirt.
Michael: A shirt.
Kelsey: (Quietly) Uh huh.
Michael: From the Nintendo store.
Kelsey: Yeahhh!
Michael: Zelda.
Kelsey: Yeahhh.
(Kelsey lays the shirt over her chest to see how it looks. Michael holds up a bag of only black M&M's.)
Michael: This is a bunch of black Peanut M&Ms.
(Kelsey inhales dramatically.)
Kelsey: Michael!
Michael: ‘Cause I know how much you like black things.
(Kelsey laughs.)
Kelsey: Thank you!
Michael: Mhm.
Kelsey: I should open these up and see what New York tastes like.
Michael: Okay, goodnight.
(Michael reaches out and covers the camera lens with his hand.)
Kelsey: Goodnight!
("Outro" plays over the end screen.)