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Episode Information[edit | edit source]

Date of video
February 6th, 2014
Date of upload
February 9th, 2014
Duration
11 minutes 23 seconds
Edited by
Michael Aranda
Appearances by
Michael Aranda
Anna Goldman
Emily Graslie
Kayleigh Kuffner
Tamara Lynn Chambers
Rob Scallon

Location[edit | edit source]

Chicago, Illinois
The Chicago Field Museum

Transcript[edit | edit source]

Michael: We just set up a time lapse of the beetles. They’re going to be, uh, chewing off all the muscle tissue and stuff from this two-headed, what was it?

Michael and Anna: (Simultaneously) Calf.

Anna: Moo!

Michael: Moo cow? You gonna spray it down?

Anna: I am.

Michael: Make it a little moist.

(spray bottle sounds)

Anna: Attract some attention. Get everybody crawlin’. Happy. Happy time. Come on guys.

Michael: People have been asking for a time lapse of the beetles for a long time.

(more spritzing)

In a Room With Books

Emily: Derp, derp, derp.

Michael: This is a book of… what?

Emily: This is a zoological uh index from 1907. "A Catalogue of the Collection of Mammals in the Field Columbian Museum." Derp derp! Derp-derp-derp. (laughs) It makes me happy. (laughs) Dippi-daw. These are ungulates.

Michael: So is this a collection of everything they had in the building at that time?

Emily: Well, yeah. Yeah, in the, in the zoological collections. Or at least in mammals. So yeah, these were all the specimens that were here in 1907. Which is, uh, quite a few.

Michael: How big would this book be now?

Emily: Um, that's a good question. What numbers does it go to? I don't know. I'm- uh, I don't even know how many- We've got millions though. Millions! And millions!

Michael: Does the index have latin names and common names?

Emily: Look at these guys. Look at these guys.

Michael: What are they?

Emily: I don't know, some kind of primate. The- the Drili? (whispers) The Tartarin.

Michael: Cool hair.

Emily: Huh, that's pretty sweet. Yeah, it does have common- does it have common names? Where are you seeing-?

Michael: It says latin names and, keep going, and then there's...

Emily: Oh!

Michael: ... common names.

Emily: Ooh! Bear-cat!

Michael: Well that's on page four-hundred.

Emily: Let's fi- maybe there's not a picture. (whispers) I hope there's a picture of the bear-cat. (reading) Three-ninety-nine, naw.

Michael: Why would you not include a picture of a bear-cat?

Emily: I don't know what a bear-cat is. There's a mongoose.

Michael: You could Google "bear-cat," see what happens.

Emily: I like the pictures. I only like books with pictures in them.

Michael: Like "Good Night Moon."

Emily: Whoa! (laughs) Derp!

Michael: He looks so sad.

Emily: (Sad sea otter voice) I'm a sea otter.

Michael: He's like, "Why are you drawing a picture of me?"

Emily: I just wanna go fishing! Myeeh! (laughing) He's so cute.

Elsewhere in the Field Museum

Kayleigh: It's kinda frightening... with no eyes.

Michael: What is- What is the clay for?

Kayleigh: Um, well there's glass eyes under it but the clay is just to hold the shape of the eyelids while they dry.

Michael: Hmm.

Emily: Look's great.

Kayleigh: Thanks.

Emily: I'm excited. I'm coming in tomorrow.

Kayleigh: Oh, okay. Well this should be here.

Michael: How long does-

Emily: Yeah!

Kayleigh: When are you getting off tomorrow?

Michael: How long does preparing a thing take?

Kayleigh: Um, well we've just been doing it over a couple days and just like steps and steps, but you can do it in a whole day, I'm sure. But we just haven't had time to sit down and do it for a whole day.

Emily: Great.

Michael: Have you named it?

Kayleigh: No, I'm still getting over my Harry Potter moment right now.

Michael: Oh.

Emily: Ohh.

The Chicago Field Museum Elevator

(elevator noises)

(telephone door squeaks)

In Collections

Emily: What is it- hydrophonograph?

Michael: Well, somehow it's measuring temperature, it says on the thing.

Anna: It measures temperature and, uh, humidity. I think. Yeah, temperature. Humidity. Yeah! And these are- So this room rarely gets used. So everything remains fairly consistent, except with the seasons.

Michael: That's interesting. So like, this one temperatures were in the fifties. Up here they're almost eighty. Eighty, seventy, whoa! Science!

Anna: (cackles)

Filming the Brain Scoop

Emily: Well, "wood chuck" makes about as much sense as "ground hog" or "whistle pigs," which are also commonly- I need to say "whistle pig," singular whistle pig. We only have one pig that's whistling.

Michael: (whistles)

Emily: Is my cord getting- Michael you're recording this!

Michael: Yeah!

Emily: (Emily noise) Twice! Well, "wood chuck" makes about as much sense as "ground hog" or "whistle pig".

Exploring the Collection

Michael: These guys have really yellow teeth.

Emily: The, they put a lacquer on it.

Michael: Oh.

Look how big this bird is. That's my hand. It's head- I just- What? I don't- What-

Emily: I don't know.

Michael: What even?

Emily: I don't even know. That albatross is also massive.

Somebody else: How does it stay in the sky?

Michael: It's- It's big.

Emily: Makes a bald eagle look like a little pigeon. This little, pansy little bald eagle.

(laughing)

Michael: Look at the size of this egg! It's so big!

Outside

(wind muffling microphone)

Michael: It's very cold. And very windy. So it's just blowing the coldness right into my jacket.

(incoherent)

Rob and Tamara's House

Michael: (mouthing Skyrim dialogue) ... in to battle and defeated him.

Uh, I made it back to Rob and Tamara's so I'm not freezing in the cold anymore. Tamara's playing some Skyrim.

Rob Scallon: Woo!

Tamara Lynn Chambers: Yep. Talking dragons.

Michael: Um, Rob is doing something.

Rob: I, I have a beautiful electric cello and I am not a cello player and I'm so used to having frets that I'm putting fret markers on it so I know what on Earth I'm doing. So I'm taping fret markers on the side.

Michael: So, what do the dots tell you?

Rob: Uh, just like the dots in the middle of a fret board they just, uh, let you know where you are. You don't actually, uh, go for the dots but they just give you a reference on where you are.

Michael: So you go for the lines.

Rob: Yeah, yeah. Cuz, uh-

Michael: Because on guitar I go in between em.

Rob: Yeah, but there are no frets here so it's like a- It's the same with a fretless bass. Uhm, A lot of them will have the line just to give you reference, so, you aim for the fret rather than in between like you would on a regular fretted instrument.

Michael: Tamara really wants a rat.

Tamara: I want one so bad.

Michael: And Rob doesn't want Tamara to have a rat. Boo! Boo!

Tamara: It'd be so cute and she'd be named Cheryl. That's such a good name for a rat.

Michael: She'd be named Cheryl. Everybody in the comments right now tell Rob to let Tamara get a rat.

Tamara: Yes. Yes. Yes!

Rob: We have cats.

Tamara: But I want a rat.

Michael: Shh!

Rob: It would- It would die.

Michael: Shh! Sh!

Tamara: Cheryl would not die! Cheryl would live on, Rob.

Michael: In our hearts.

Tamara: In our hearts. And in Ike's stomach.

Michael: I'm editing my vlog from yesterday right now and I'm realizing- I'm realizing that my vlogs have just turned in to, like, advertisements for products. I'm like: "Potbelly this!" "Mountain Dew that."

Rob: (Laughing) Well, you gotta start capitalizing on that, I guess.

Michael: But no one's paying me for it!

Rob: Exactly!

Michael: I really like that, that painting of that clock you guys have. It's really realistic.

Rob: Yeah. And you can change it, too, if you want. Like if you want to change the painting to a different time. You just like- (shakes clock) do that.

Tamara: Good job, babes. No, hang it! Oh, did the thing come off? (giggles) Rob you ruined our painting!

Rob: I ruined everything!

Michael: Look, I made a new painting! It's beautiful!

Tamara: It's ja, just as good. Let us go.

Michael: Wait, whoa whoa whoa! Did you just bite into that thing without the-

Rob: Yeah, I thought it would be funny for the video. It actually wasn't that bad. But I think I'm just going to throw it a- no.

Michael: Didn't your mom always tell you to peel your fruit?

Rob: I don't think she ever told me that, actually. But....

(Tamara shakes her head)

Michael: He's your boyfriend!

Rob: I ruin everything.

Tamara: He ruins everything. (laughs) It's okay, baby. (kiss) Yeah.

Rob: Thanks. It's good food.

Michael: Eww!

Rob's Car

Michael: I'm shivering too much, I can't hold the camera still.

(shivering sounds)

Tamara: I can see my breath in this car.

Rob: YouTube's gonna give you that "we noticed your video is shaky" do you want us to-

Michael: Here let me fix your shaky video by making it look like sh-t.

It's just that YouTube's algorithm detects that your video's shaky and then tries to fix it by putting, like, psychedelic LSD trip filter on it.

(Rob laughs)

Tamara: Really?

Michael: When's your birthday?

Tamara and Rob: Tomorrow.

Michael: Your birthday's tomorrow?

Tamara: Yes.

Michael: Rob!

Rob: What?

Michael: Do you know what would make an awesome birthday present for your girlfriend?

Rob: Cheryl?

Michael: A rat.

Rob: The rat.

Tamara: (laughing) A rat named Cheryl.

Michael: A rat named Cheryl.

Rob: It's not, it's not happening.

Michael: Aw, come on, Rob. You're breakin' my heart!

Rob: I know.

Tamara: You're breaking his heart, Rob.

Michael: I mean, you're breaking her's, too, but you're breaking mine!

Rob: I'm sorry!

In a Parking Lot

Michael: Guys, it's so cold. God must be punishing us for allowing the gays to marry.

To be honest, I am getting a little bit... I'm not going to say sick. A little bit... Like I've had enough Potbelly on this trip, is what I'm trying to say. Um, but at this point I've had it every day. I can't- I feel like I have to go this entire trip without missing a day. So just- just, Friday and Saturday. It's going to be a struggle. But I think I can do it.

At Forever Yogurt

Michael: Forever Yogurt because it's, it's cold, right? And when it's cold-

Rob: It's, it's- Which- which camera's on?

Michael: ... you crave cold stuff.

Rob: I guess this one's on.

Michael: I'm pointing at you.

Rob: Okay.

Michael: Your face. Logan Square. Is that where we are?

Rob: Uh, yeah.

Rob and Tamara's House

Michael: You know how Facebook encourages you to share life events?

Tamara: Yes.

Michael: So, it's like, "What life events would you like to share?" And it has a list of, like, bought a house, registered as an organ donor, quit smoking. The one at the bottom is, "became a vegetarian."

(Tamara giggles)

Michael: But like, what if today I was like, "I'm committing to being a, an omnivore for the rest of my life."

Tamara: It's pretty limiting.

Michael: I feel like I'm being held down by the man.

Tamara: Facebook is holding you down. But-

Michael: Facebook is trying to push their liberal agenda on me!

Tamara: Right. They're trying to deny you the protein that you deserve.

Michael: Yeah. I want to fight for my right to protein.

Tamara: Fight for your rights.

Michael: TeamProtein!

Tamara: Te(laughs)- TeamProtein.

Michael: Rob?

Rob: Yeah.

Michael: What team are you on?

Rob: Team... Applesauce.

Tamara: B-tch!

Michael: (laughing)