Slowly Undressing
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Slowly Undressing  | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Missoula, Montana | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Anaconda, Montana | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Dillon, Montana | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Idaho Falls, Idaho | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Pocatello, Idaho | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Sandy, Utah | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Anthropometry | |||||||||||||||||||||
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| Season Six Statistics | |||||||||||||||||||||
Distance
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Misc
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Transcript[edit | edit source]
Hong King Disneyland Mad Tea Party Attraction
Toria: Hi! I’m Toria at Hong Kong Disney, and this is what I’m doing right now!
("Intro" plays over the opening title screen.)
Michael Aranda's Apartment Complex – 6:30 AM MST
Michael Aranda: Good morning. It is 6:30, and I’ve been up for about an hour and a half. And I only have a few more things to do before we leave. One of those things is checking the mail. Not a lot in there.
Michael Aranda's Apartment
Michael: This is my Christmas gift from Katelyn, and I was instructed to open it before I left on my road trip. I’m supposed to be leaving in two hours, so—
(Michael rips the wrapping paper off of the gift and open the box.)
There’s a black bag inside, and inside the black bag...
(Michael chuckles happily at the gift.)
So Dwarf Fortress is one of my favorite computer games. Katelyn bleached the Dwarf Fortress logo into a shirt. I like that. And also, Apple Watch stand. This was very nice.
Market on Front – 8:47 AM MST
Michael: Super breakfast sandwich! Todd, how you feeling?
Todd Williams: I’m tired.
Michael: I’m ready to drive eight hours. Are you ready to drive eight hours?
Todd: Yeah, yeah. A good chunk of that is—you’re just kind of—I don’t want to say zoned out, but you’re kinda just in a zen place, so being tired is okay. It’s not dangerous. You’re just—you’re just there existing.
Michael: Also I have a bunch of energy drinks in the car.
Todd: You have a ridiculous amount of energy drinks. Enough to give you a heart attack.
Parking Lot
Todd: So normally I’d be wearing a big puffy jacket right now.
Michael: Mm-hmm.
Todd: But I have three different type of jackets. So this is the medium one.
Michael: Okay.
Todd: I have my light hoodie, for California. So I’m going to be... slowly undressing.
Michael: I also brought a light hoodie. You can’t be without a hoodie, you just need a hoodie that matches the environment you’re in.
Todd: Also come check out this, uh, check out this—this car. It has a lot of buttons that I don’t know, uh... what they do. Sit down in the—in the driver's seat and just look at the steering wheel.
(Michael walks over to the driver's side of the car and grunts as he sits down in the seat.)
Michael: Alright, we’ve got, uh, left and right and plus and minus.
Todd: (In the background) Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Michael: Change your source, you gotta call someone and hang up.
Todd: And you got stuff down here.
Michael: This look like, uh, cruise control.
Todd: Ya got stuff down here.
Michael: No, this looks like cruise control.
Todd: Yeah, that’s cruise control.
Michael: What is this?
Todd: I don’t know. Maybe it’s the paddle? I don’t know. And then you got stuff down here, and then you got a whole array of things on there. It took me about 15 minutes to figure out the stupid air conditioning. I feel like I’m getting old and senile, Michael.
(Michael snickers.)
Todd: Technology is advancing faster than I can understand it.
Michael: There’s a secret button right here. It’s not labeled.
Todd: Yeah. But what is th—i—is—is this—what’s this one for? Is that just, going up hill?
Michael: This is if you wanna go off a jump.
Todd: Let’s, uh, let’s make sure that happens.
(Michael laughs.)
Conoco Gas Station – 9:18 AM MST
Michael: We’re just gassing up. And then we’re ready to go. We’ve got, uh, I’m driving Katelyn’s jeep. Todd’s got the Subaru, Nick’s driving his brand new—what is it called, Charger? Brand new used Dodge Charger, I think is what Nick said.
(To Todd) Are you going to the bathroom?
Todd: (Quietly) See ya later.
Michael: Oh, bye.
Driving East on I-90
(Meandering, jungle-esque notes play over drums as a mellow melody and later wacky sounding notes are introduced on top of that.)
I-90 Eastbound Rest Area – 10:45 AM MST
Michael: It’s colder here than it is in Missoula.
Todd: That’s—So when I was—in—
Michael: I don’t like it.
Todd: When I was in Anaconda, people were like, “Oh, you’re in warm country.”
Michael: Okay. See you at the next rest stop.
Katelyn Salem's Jeep
(The music continues with the drums becoming more prominent.)
Dell Merc – 12:25 PM MST
Michael: 85.5?
(Gasoline splatters on the ground.)
Todd: (Distantly) Oh my god!
Michael: Oh God! What happened?
Todd: It just, uhhhh…
Nick Jenkins: Kept going.
Todd: Kept going.
Michael: Oh my.
Todd: Yeah, oh my.
Michael: Well, I guess your tanks full.
Todd: Yeah, I guess so.
Michael: Geez.
Todd: That’s never happened before.
Michael: I—I’ve never seen that happen before either.
Todd: I—I should guess I—I’ll go tell them that there's gasoline on the ground.
Michael: At the Dell Merc? Hey, there’s a post office inside.
(The door squeaks as Michael walks inside the Dell Merc.)
Michael: So many varieties of Easy Cheese. We’ve got Cheddar and Bacon, American, Cheddar.
Katelyn Salem's Jeep
Michael: So far on this drive, I’ve list to a couple episodes of Radiolab, which is an amazing podcast if you’ve never listened to it. There was this episode on alzheimer's research that they were doing. I think the episode is called “Bringing Gamma Back”. There were a couple times during that episode when I was just like, “Oh my God, that’s crazy!”
Nick: (Over a walkie-talkie) Okay guys, I think I’m ready when you are.
Michael: (Slightly confused into the walkie-talkie) Okay. I’m ready as well, over?
Todd got us, uh, walkie-talkies for the trip. Apparently, a man asked Todd for money. Mr. Todd?
Todd: Hello?
Michael: Why did that man ask you for money?
Todd: Uh, he needed $14.20 in order to get into this mom-and-pop bed and breakfast to stay the night, I guess.
Michael: Did you give him the money?
Todd: Well, I don’t have $14 in cash, but I gave him my well wishes, which is worth it’s weight in gold.
(Michael laughs.)
Driving South on I-15
(Ethereal organ music plays.)
Walmart Parking Lot – 1:59 PM MST
Todd: That is, uh, the biggest one. There’re a couple more. That was from the semi. There is one up here that’s, uh, growing.
Michael: Huh. Yeah, we all got beaned a couple times by rocks on the highway.
Todd: I’m starting to, uh... wish I wore, uh... something, uh...
(Michael laughs.)
Todd: a little, uh... different, uh...
Michael: Something. Wish you had something other than shorts on?
Todd: Uhh.. and just tennis shoes, yeah. Here, just make sure I don’t fall.
(Michael strenuously grunts as he helps Todd cross the snow and Todd makes weird noises.)
Michael: Okay, okay okay, we did it.
Todd: Thanks buddy.
Panda Express
Michael: It’s sort of a tradition that we need to stop at Panda Express on the way down to California. It’s lost a little bit of it’s luster because we have a Panda Express in Missoula now.
Can’t decide if I want the honey walnut shrimp or just some orange chicken.
Todd: Pick a hand.
(Todd holds out his hands closed into fists and Michael taps his right hand.)
Todd: Orange chicken.
(Michael laughs.)
Driving South on I-15
(A resonant yet stylistically blown out melody plays.)
Exxon Gas Station – 4:04 PM MST
Michael: I don’t know where we are exactly. You probably do cause it showed up in the screen right there. It’s really cold, we’ve got two and a half hours left, and, uh... my nipples are really hard.
(Michael points out the car to his left as he starts to pull away.)
There’s Todd over there. Hi. Hi, hi, hi.
Driving South on I-15
(Synthesized drums noises begin over the resonant melody.)
Michael: I think in day-to-day life, it’s really easy to be very inwardly focused. You know, you are thinking about, what am I gonna do today? What am I going to eat for lunch today? What do I need to do for my job today? But what I really like about these long road trips like this, it allows my mind to wander into a place of being more outwardly thinking. Like this guy driving this truck right here. Like, what’s his story? Where’s he going? Did he just get off work and now he’s going home? Is he also on a long road trip? Did he have a good day? Did he have a bad day? I’m just passing a car on the side of the road that looks like it’s, uh.. maybe having some mechanical issues. That kinda sucks. I wonder if that guy has issues with his car all the time or if this is the first time. It’s like these road trips are kind of an exercise in empathy. Because I’m able to take more time to think about other people. Especially driving by these towns where you can tell there's only like, 40 or 50 people living there. What is their life like? Have they always live in such a small town? If they have, do they wonder what life is like for people like me? What do they think of people like me? Am I too liberal? Is my life too fast-paced? How lucky am I, that I was born in part of the world where I have the luxury to go on a long trip like this and think these thoughts? How lucky am I that I was born into a class in this country that allows me the luxury to go on long trips like this. There’re people struggling to figure how they are going to feed themselves tonight while I’m just trying to think about what fast food establishment I’m gonna hit up on my thousand mile road trip to the suburbs of Southern California. The idea of the haves and the have nots has certainly gotten a lot of attention in this last election cycle and I wonder how much that’s going to continue to be a problem during the rest of my lifetime. Or is that a problem that will see resolution in my lifetime. I hope so. Sometimes I think it’s interesting to image life in say the 1600s and compare that to now, where I, as a member of the middle class, have luxuries beyond the imagination of the richest kings in the world, in the 1600s. It’s just very interesting to think how we have come, and how far we still have yet to go in many ways. The things that are to come in the next hundred years, the next thousand years, those things are what make me afraid to die. Maybe afraid's not the right word but... I’m not particularly scared of the idea of being dead. The process of dying is generally pretty painful, I guess, so that part I’m kinda freaked out about. But being dead isn’t going to feel like anything, so that doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is that, if I die, I’m going to miss out on the... hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands of years of human technological advancement that will follow my death. Imagine the things that 7 year olds will find under their Christmas trees in the year 3427. The biggest motivation that I have for figuring out how to live forever is simply so that I get to see all of the new tech toys that humanity ever discovers.
Outside the Voiles' House – 6:42 PM MST
Michael: (Singing quietly) Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble (laughing) to and fro? That’s not a Christmas song.
Todd: Merry Christmas!
The Voiles' House
Michael: We made it! Here’s Josh.
Joshua Voiles: Ayyyy!
Michael: Ayyy! And here’s an ornament with blond stripe Einstein on it.
("Outro" plays over the end screen.)