Kristina and Joe Depart

Episode Information

Date of video

January 30th, 2014

Date of upload

February 1st, 2014

Edited by

Michael Aranda

Appearances by

Michael Aranda

Stefan Chin

Katelyn Salem

Kristina Horner

Joe Homes

Matthew Gaydos

Tim Thomas

Location

Missoula, Montana

Caffè Dolce

DFTBA Warehouse

Transcript

Caffe Dolce

Michael: It's Joe and Kristina's last day!

Joe: I know! We're really sad.

Kristina: I know.

Joe: But we're ending on a bang with lamb burgers.

Michael: At Cafe Dolce! They should pay me for this advertisement.

(Laughter)

Michael: How was it?

Kristina: So good.

Joe: It's all gone.

Kristina: I didn't know what to expect, but it was so much better than I thought it could be.

Joe: I wanna eat it again!

Michael: Just throw it up into the bowl, and drink it.

Joe: (Gasps)

Kristina: And then it'll taste like coffee!

Joe: Yaaaaaayyyy!

Michael: The time has come, the walrus said...

(Laughter)

Joe: What?

Michael: Bye!

Kristina: Bye!

Joe: Bye!

Michael: Byyyeeee.

The DFTBA Warehouse

Tim: I've struggled with these in the past.

Michael: Cut it, Tim! Cut it! FASTER! MORE CUTTING.

'Kay so I'll let you carry that box while I stand here and film.

Tim: No, it's good. Thanks.

Michael: We're rolling the Fault In Our Stars posters. And they're goin' in these tubes and these tubes are goin' in these boxes. And then I don't know what happens after that. But somethin' does and then it goes to you at home yaaayyyy.

We've been discussing tattoos that can't happen. Um, because these two, uh, are dating, not--not that one! That one, and that one! Are dating.

(Laughter)

Michael: Umm...

Matt: Sorry Rachel. Tim Tom is mine.

Tim: It's over.

(Laughter)

Matt: Well that's harsh. I can't date someone who's that harsh.

Michael: So Rachel's gonna get a tattoo, and she said she was gonna get a heart on her wrist, so I suggested she should get a wrist on her heart. Like... on her heart, physically heart. Um, and then there was a tattoo of a heart that always faced Tim...

Tim: Like a compass?

Michael: Yeah, like a compass. (Laughs) You'll know where he is at all times. It'll also have a little read-out that tells how far away.

Tim: So a perfectly untrusting girlfriend.

Michael: Yeah, it's like Find My Friends, but in your wrist.

Rachael: Yes.

Michael: And then... um, we had the chia tattoo. So like if you're bald, you can get a... some chia seeds tattooed in your head.

Tim: Or if you just want like a convenient snack.

Michael: Can you eat chia... what is it called?

Tim: The ceramic...

Matt: Like grass?

Michael: The chia grass?

Matt: Like can you do wheatgrass shots, but like chia shots?

Michael: (laughs) Tim also suggested tattooing himself with chlorophyll, and then just going out and laying in the sun so he'd never have to eat again.

Tim: Yeah.

Matt: You'd probably also be green.

Tim: Well that's okay.

Matt: Is it?

Tim: I'd be like, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Matt: I think you'd be more of a Kermit than a Hulk.

(laughter)

Outside:

Michael: Laura and I are going to the gym, and it's really snowy.

Michael's Car:

Michael: Apparently, Christina and Joe got into an accident. I don't know how serious it was other than they said that their car wasn't driveable anymore. They didn't say that either of them had been injured, so I'm going to assume that no one has been injured. They also said that they'd keep me posted. So I guess if I hear anything more, I'll let you guys know.

Michael's Apartment:

Michael: Apparently, Christina and Joe got a cabin in the woods out in St. Regis, which I guess is where their car crashed. They didn't hit anyone else, and neither of them were hurt. They just lost control of the vehicle and hit the, like, center divider, concrete something or other, and it pushed part of the car into the engine. So the car doesn't work anymore. I don't really know what they're planning on doing to get home. Maybe taking a bus, I don't know, but that's all I know. Moral of the story is...

Katelyn: Don't tell someone to drive really fast with their eyes closed.

Michael: Okay, so when we were saying goodbye to them, I was like, "Drive really fast with your eyes closed!" And then later after we found out that they were okay, I was like, "When I said that, I wasn't being serious." Uh, but it wasn't my fault!