It's On Me

Episode Information

Date of video

February 7th, 2014

Date of upload

February 9th, 2014

Duration

8 minutes 41 seconds

Edited by

Michael Aranda

Appearances by

Michael Aranda

Emily Graslie

Rob Scallon

Matthew Gaydos

John Green

Sarah Green

Katie Kirby

Location

Chicago, Illinois

Transcript

Rob and Tamara's House

Michael: Pet the kitty. Pet the kitty. Pet the kitty. Stretch. Oh, two kitties.

Brain Scoop Set

Michael: We just filmed with a meteorite dude. What is his name? Uh..

Emily: Phillip Heck?

Michael: Phillip- Philipp Heck. And I got to hold a thing that's four and a half billion years old!

Emily: Yeah, it's the oldest known thing in our solar system.

Michael: Oldest. Thing. In the solar system. (mind blown)

Emily: It was a meteorite.

Michael: It was a meteorite.

Among the Exhibits

Michael: Hey. Hey.

Emily: (mole cricket voice) Hi, Michael. How's it goin'? I'm just a giant mole cricket.

Michael: Is that what he is?

Emily: That's a giant mole cricket. (mole cricket voice) Hello! Hangin' out.

Michael: A-derpty-derr.

Emily: Herpida-herpida derpa-derr.

(generic people whoa)

Boy Child: You can't have that- you can't have your hands in there.

Girl Child: Why?

Adult Woman: It is an earwig, it's an earwig mother. So what is she doing?

Children: She's protecting her babies.

Woman: She is. She's protecting all of her babies and all her eggs.

Girl Child: Don't get these eggs.

Boy Child: Bah!

Woman: What is-

Boy Child: We have to eat them. That's the- That's the only thing we can do.

Raccoon Rescuer: You got him?

Emily: Yep.

Michael: We rescued him.

Emily: Raccoon, what were you doing in with the crayfish exhibit?

A Bird Prep Room

Dr. Ben Marks: ... um, what every bird is like. Have you ever skinned a shrew?

Emily: Um, I haven't done a shrew, I think I did a leased[?] weasel, but that's still, you know, it's not really...

Dr. Marks Did they have a thin skin?

Emily: Yeah.

Dr. Marks: Okay. So, yeah. Just keep in mind you can't pull as hard as you can on a chipmunk or a squirrel.

Emily: Yeah.

Michael: Emily just pinned a bird!

Emily: I didn't just pin it!

Michael: Okay, Emily cut open a bird and she pulled out the stuff inside it and then stuffed stuff inside it and then pinned it to that thing.

Emily: First time.

Dr. Marks: What we call "preparing a specimen."

Michael: (laughs) Are you excited?

Emily: I'm very excited.

Dr. Marks: Yeah?

Emily: This is very exciting. Might've been like the best day at work ever.

Dr. Marks Alright!

The Hideout Chicago

Michael: I'm not exactly sure why I'm here or what's going on, but we're all getting into this elevator.

(Indistinct Chatter)

John: Aaaaah!

Michael: Wow!

[Girl Without Dinosaurs]: She has dinosaurs in her purse.

[Girl With Dinosaurs]: I have the other end, too. Didn't I send you-

Michael: Why are you sticking your fingers into dinosaurs?

[Girl Without Dinosaurs]: Because she- She crafts and like the halfs-

[Girl With Dinosaurs]: I cover them in glitter.

[Girl Without Dinosaurs] Half of the dinosaur she's turning into something else.

Michael: Anyway, um, apparently we're listening to John Green talk about something. This is the program.

[Girl Without Dinosaurs] Aren't we always?

Michael: I don't really know what's happening. Um, Mark Bazer? Loves to talk and loves to laugh, he's also the host of the interview show which features guests from every walk of life: musicians... oh, apparently that guy. Um, also, someone named Sarah keeps saying there's not enough Matt Gaydos in my vlogs, so here you go.

Matt: Hey!

Michael: Anyway, um, something about talking to musicians, authors, comedians, and John Green is a guest. So that's what we're listening to today.

(clapping and music)

Mark: So thanks for being with us.

Sarah: Sure.

Mark: Thanks for driving. Did you drive today from Minneapolis or?

John: We drove in yesterday.

Mark: Yesterday. That's very interesting. Um-

(laughter)

Michael: So John Green is about to suggest, for me, where I should go to dinner tonight.

John: I mean if you want pizza I would go to ba uh, like Pizzeria Uno or... I don't know, well what do you think? You know where I actually go? I usually go to PIzzeria Due? because it's the same food but it's a little less crowded.

Michael: Okay.

John: Yeah, it's like- it's only like three- It's like three blocks away.

Michael: Okay. Matt Gaydos.

Matt: What?

Michael: We're going to get pizza.

Matt: Oh-kay!

Pizzeria Due

(pizzeria clamor)

Server: So a small pizza feeds two, four slices. Medium feeds three, six slices. Large feeds four with eight slices. For adults you want to say about two slices per person. Okay? Alright. Y'all want to start with some drinks or anything?

Michael: There it is, thank you.

Server: Yeah, you go.

Michael: It's, it's pretty thick.

Server: (singing) Happy birthday to my friend, Charles. Happy birthday to you.

(cheering and clapping)

Server: You all want to wrap it up?

[One of the Girls]: I don't even know if I'm in it.

Matt Gaydos' Car

Matt: Oh we're completely helping.

Michael: I don't know this song at all.

Matt: I don't know it at all!

[Right Girl]: (laughing) It's too late.

Matt: They seem to know it.

Katie: Yeah! You don't know it?

[Left Girl]: They play it at the end of Giant's games!

Michael: I don't-

Matt: New York Giants?

Michael: ... watch b-

[Left Girl]: No! The San Francisco Giants! The city on the bay!

Matt: Oh.

Michael: I don't watch sports.

[Left Girl]: I only watch the Giants.

Matt: They're a curling team.

[Right Girl]: I'm really excited for curling.

Michael: I watch competitive Starcraft matches. I watch-

Matt: (laughs)

Michael: Don't- don't stop recording. I'm- I'm talking about my life, Matt Gaydos. I watch competitive Magic the Gathering tournaments.

Matt: Are you impersonating yourself right now?

Michael: I guess so?

Matt: You're doing like an accent, but these are things you actually do.

Michael: Yeah.

Insomnia Cookies

Michael: We're at a place called Insomnia Cookies. Where they take cookies and make ice cream sandwiches out of it.

Yeah, that's pretty big. It's splooging on me. (sound of biting) What'd you get?

Matt: I got two white chocolate macadamia and some classic vanilla in the middle.

Michael: It's a little too big, is one thing.

?: I have forks.

Matt: Forks are for quitters.

Michael: Can I have a fork, please?

Rob and Tamara's House

Michael: Every day, Rob offers me alcohol.

Rob: Well, you know, just, not a ton. But just, I offer, "Hey, you want some whiskey?" You know, I think you should try it. I think you would really hate it. I think you would really not like it. And you should give it a try.

Michael: But I don't drink.

Rob: Well, I'm just being, you know, just being a good host. And if you want some whiskey you can have some.

Michael: It's like, if I knew that you weren't gay but every day I was still like-

Rob: Well that's a little bit different.

Michael: ... do you want me to French kiss you right now. I'm just trying to be a good host.

Rob: Well a good host wouldn't necessarily French kiss everyone who stays with them.

Michael: You apparently have not stayed in very nice places before. I've- I've lived in France.

Rob: Oh is that what they do there? It's like, "Here, you want a drink? It's on me." "Here, you want a French kiss?"

Michael and Rob: "It's on me."