Dank Tacos

Episode Information

Date of video

September 19th, 2015

Date of upload

October 30th, 2015

Duration

14 minutes 3 seconds

Edited by

Michael Aranda

Katelyn Salem

Appearances by

Michael Aranda

Caitlin Hofmeister

Hank Green

Katelyn Salem

Kristen Franklin

Lindsey Doe

Matthew Gaydos

Megan Toenyes

Nicole Sweeney

Sarah Meismer

Stefan Chin

Tim Thomas

Valerie Barr

Brought to you by

Mariel

Shanda Dalton

Michael Miyamoto

Location

Hamilton, Montana

Sleeping Child Hot Springs

Weather

Clear

Temperature: 52°F/11°C

Wind: 2.5 mph

Humidity: 63%

Anthropometry

Weight: 181.4 lbs/82.3 kg

Body Fat: 21.3%

Heart Rate: 60 bpm

Blood Pressure: 124/84 mmhg

Season Four Stats

Distance

Jogged: 26.5 mi/42 km

Cycled: 100.5 mi/161 km

Driven: 4278 mi/6885 km

Flown: 6410 mi/10316 km

Food

Boloco: 1

Bobby's Burger Palace: 2

Burger King: 4

Burger's Priest: 1

Caffe Dolce: 3

Chipotle: 12

Cold Stone: 4

Dairy Queen: 1

Denny's: 1

Domino's: 3

Earl of Sandwich: 1

Finn & Porter: 1

Fuddruckers: 1

Hero Certified Burgers: 2

HuHot: 2

In-N-Out: 1

Jimmy John's: 2

Lil' Orbits: 2

Lizzy's: 1

Lucky Red: 1

Market On Front: 13

McDonald's: 4

Mike's Pastry: 1

One Hour: 1

Pita Pit: 3

Pizza Hut: 3

Potbelly: 1

Quiznos: 12

The Squealing Pig: 1

Subway: 1

Sweet Peaks: 2

Tagliare: 3

Tamarack: 1

Tasty Burger: 1

UC Food Court: 1

Wendy's: 1

Wok N Talk: 2

Yogurty's: 2

Misc

Flights: 8

Gym Visits: 1

Haircuts: 1

Papyrus: 4

Plane Issues: 1

Transcript

Outside

Michael: I was busy dumping footage on to the computer, and everybody else left on a hike without me, so I've got my jogging shoes, and I'm going to see if I can jog myself out to wherever they ended up. I hope they went this way, because I'm going this way. Look at all this nature. This place is covered in nature! I'm starting to feel like they didn't go this way. There doesn't seem to be a hiking trail or anything in this direction. So I might turn around and look the other way. Oh, wait I hear voices.

Hank: Hey.

Michael: Hi.

Caitlin: Are you hiking or are you jogging?

Michael: I'm jogging to join the hike. How long is this hike?

Caitlin: Oh, I don't know actually.

Michael: What have you found?

Caitlin: An insect.

Michael: An insect? In nature?

Sleepy? (to a yawning Katelyn)

Katelyn: A little bit.

Michael: Hank just found a pair of sunglasses that were just sitting on a stump, and, uh, commandeered them.

Hank: I can't wear them, 'cause I can't wear my glasses while I'm wearing them.

Katelyn: There's some gnarly metamorphoses going on up there.

Michael: I don't know what that means.

Katelyn:The exfoliation in the rocks, like those lines in the rocks that are kind of squiggly, every so often. It's when a rock gets really hot, and the pressure goes up.

Michael: Oh I see what you're talking about

Hank: What are we learning about?

Michael: Rocks.

Do you know how long ago this was on fire?

Hank: I do not.

Michael: Nature is patient. Gets burned down in a fire, just wait a while and it grows some more stuff.

Katelyn:Calcite has some sort of form to it, because calcite forms in this, like, rhombohedral shape.

Hank: Like squares?

Katelyn: Like squares, but at an angle.

Hank: Squishy squares.

Katelyn: The more clear stuff is the quartz. The more opaque stuff is the calcite.

Hank: It looks a lot like cheese.

Michael: All these trees just have to spend their whole lives growing next to the bodies of their dead friends.

Hank found this pulley thing in the middle of no where. It pulls a thing across?

Hank: Yeah. But why?

Michael:So there's a weird pipe thing, there's a metal beam sticking out with a pipe bomb hanging of it.

Hank: It does look like a pipe bomb. And there's a pulley system with a -- with a one of those.

Michael: Yeah... I feel like we're inside Myst.

Kristen: Everyone always says that. I have a skeletal system. Wildlife!

Michael: So nimble.

Hank: Oh yeah, I'm a snake. I can do it all.

Valerie: Except do jumping jacks.

Michael: Hank has discovered more secrets.

Hank: The heck? What? It's just a sandwich of boards bolted to a pillar.

Michael: More evidence.

Hank: That's old, whatever that is. It's probably the same age as that pipe thing.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

I found another pillar Michael, two more pillars. Weird, concrete pillars with holes in them. There's another one, one fallen over. The ravages of time.

The secrets are here to be revealed. 'Not for movement of humans', it says on it.

Michael: Oh, god.

Hank: Uh well, there's a hole cut. Stick your camera in there. Can you see? I'll turn my camera's light on. What's in there?

Michael: It just looks like a tube forever.

Hank: Let's double the light.

Michael: There's a pipe.

Hank: There a pipe? Huh. That did not solve the mystery.

Michael: So like, if the river gets too high, there's a drain? That doesn't make sense.

Hank: No, it doesn't. That's definitely not it.

Michael: I don't feel like we learned anything.

Hank: I agree and I am upset.

Michael: I want to know what the thing is for. Where was the spider web that you almost walked into? Was it over there?

Hank: Yeah, it was over there.

Michael: I'm gonna walk this way.

Hank: If we walk straight that way, we'll get to the place, but we'll probably have to go up some pretty bad scree slope.

Michael: We had to cross a river to get over here, or a stream.

Hank: You, you're my problem right now. Okay, I'm going under.

Hold on, I don't want to rock slide onto you.

Going mostly down, mostly down.

Michael: Got the vlogging angle going on. Okay, I made it.

Hank: Yeah, good job. You did better than me.

Michael: I'm a monkey.

Well, we learned nothing.

Hank: Well, yes.

Michael: But, --

Hank: We had a good time doing it.

Michael: I've heard it is about the journey, not about the destination.

Poolside

(Various indistinct voices)

Matthew: No, it won't work. Because there's a hold in the middle, that's where all the air goes.

Michael: Can you blow through the big one?

Matthew: Probably. (blow through larger tube) Yes.

It's a moth. He's my friend. Noodle King has a court jester. Oh no, he left.

Michael: How's the dyeing job going? You're dyeing right now.

Katelyn: I'm not dying right now. I'm being dyed.

Michael: What color is this?

Katelyn: Slate gray.

Michael: Slate gray.

Katelyn: By Lunar Tides.

Michael: Wow, that sounds...

Lindsey: You just made your first beauty vlog.

Kitchen

Michael: It's time for the Chipotle that I stocked up on yesterday. I was a little bit worried about the lettuce, but it doesn't seem too wilted. A little bit, but not too much.

Shuffleboard

Matt: Okay, well I'll probably knock that one off. If he knocks mine off I don't win. If he doesn't, I win.

(laughter)

Matt: I win!

Tim: Yay!

Walking through the house

Michael: I've been trying to get some editing done. It's going pretty slowly though. Time for dinner time, so I gotta get some food. The number of stairs in this place is pretty ridiculous. Going down isn't as bad as you might expect, but going up is very tiring.

(indistinct voices and cheering)

Kitchen

(background voices)

Michael: Duncan's making dinner. So's Michael Gardiner but he doesn't wanna be on camera, he's over there.

Duncan: I cook some dank tacos my friends.

Michael: Dank tacos!

Duncan: Looking down that lens. I'll see you guys in a month.

(Michael laughs)

Michael Gardiner: You gonna do a show?

Michael: No, that's just how long it's gonna take me to edit this.

(laughter)

(background talking)

Duncan: Let's get on my motorbike out there and get a picture.

Hank: Where's the click? Where's the click?

Matt: I think they're on silent.

Megan: I clicked!

Hank: You did?

Megan: Yeah but it was also a video.

Hank: Oh it was a video.

Megan: Yeah.

Hank: Well that makes me look like a douche.

(laughter)

Michael: Look at that blurry thing back there!

Duncan: First taco. Food time! Come on everybody! Food time!

Michael: Duncan! These are delicious! Thank you. I like Valerie's.

Hank: Just meat.

Valerie: That's not just meat! It's just the last ingredient.

Reid: (singing) I'm gonna make a mess, trying to get this shit in my face. Bom ba la la, balalalalala.

Hank: What's your least favorite karaoke song?

Reid: I think the song that I... least like that people sing the most often (even though I actually like the song) is 'Friends in Low Places', 'cause it's always a group of like, nine drunken girls and they're always just like, think microphones are like some magic wand. As long as it's like within ten feet of them it's gonna be fine. And they're like, "Turn us up!!" and I'm like, "Somebody sing toward at least one of the three microphones you're holding right now. It's not a (beep) magic wand. Hold it like the (beep) and the (beep) now, you stupid (beep)." But that's only when I get really drunk. I don't say that, I just think it in my head. I feel good afterward.

Michael: How's your taco?

Reid: It's delicious. (Speaking Spanish)

Living Area

Michael: Is this your first time playing Agricola?

Tim: It is.

Michael: How do you feel about it?

Tim: Hmm...stressed.

(Michael laughs)

Tim: Being a farmer's not easy!

Hank: Michael Aranda!

Michael: Yes sir.

Hank: How you doing?

Michael: Good, how are you?

Hank: Tell me five animals you wouldn't want to eat, in order, go.

Michael: Uh... spider.

Duncan: Ugh! Gross!

Michael: Exactly. Um... Hippopotamus seems... there's a lot of meat to cut up there.

Hank: I would totally eat a hippopotamus!

Duncan: I'd eat a hippo.

Michael: Sea cucumber...

Hank: I have no idea how that would be.

Michael: Dragonfly...

Duncan: I almost ate one of those tonight.

(Michael laughs)

Duncan: It was flying over the pool and I almost ate one!

Michael: I wanna say snail but I have had snail.

Hank: Really? Snails are okay, escargot.

Michael: I just, like... The taste of it was fine but the thought of it still makes me like, ugh.

Hank: I feel like you didn't, like, think of this question the way I was thinking of it, which was like... Humans, cats, dogs, pandas... Like things I wouldn't wanna get eaten. You were like, what would be gross? Whereas I was thinking...

Michael: I'm imagining a situation where like, I'm at gunpoint and someone is like, "You have to either eat this cat or eat this spider." In that situation I would take the cat-

Hank: REALLY?!

Michael: -that's more-

Hank: I guess if it's already dead.

Michael: -it's more like the kind of food that I already eat.

Hank: What if there's, like, a live cat and a live spider?

Michael: You have to eat them while they're alive?

Hank: No no no, but they're gonna kill them to serve to you.(Michael sighs) Don't even think about it!

Michael: I can't get past the idea of eating a spider. That's still gross.

Hank: What if it's Radius?

Michael: I'm in a terrible situation anyway... I, I don't wanna eat a spider.

Hank: You're gonna have a terrorist kill your cat instead of eating a spider?

Michael: It's not gonna be my fault! No matter what I choose, it's the terrorist's fault.

Hank: It is totally your fault! Unfriended.